For as long as I can remember, I had a disease called comparison.  It is a terrible disease to heal because it goes undetected for years, all the while ravaging your body and soul. Comparison has the power to destroy you and the people you hold close to your heart.

My Papa always used to tell me that when we compare ourselves to another human being, we either come out bigger than an elephant or smaller than an ant. Either way it is degrading to yourself and to the other person to whom you are comparing yourself.  In essence, comparison is PRIDE! Whichever side of the spectrum you fall on, it is still pride.

From my childhood and into my early twenties, I never felt good enough.  I was not pretty enough, smart enough, gifted enough etc.- the list was endless, and it was so incredibly exhausting.

What made matters worse was that I have very talented siblings and I was surrounded by very gifted friends, which was by choice by the way.  My Papa also reckoned that one should always surround themselves with people that they aspire to be like.  The intention is not to mimic, but to learn and grow fully into whom God created you to be. 

One particular incident stands out and that was the beginning of my healing journey from the disease of comparison.  I had just finished my matric and I was so incredibly desperate to go to University, however our financial situation and my final results were a huge hinderance. The disappointment was unspeakable.  I had gone to spend the night at one of my friends and in the morning we both got up and started getting ready for our day.  

She got dressed and jumped into her car to drive herself to university and I got dressed and walked to a bus to go to a job. I hated that with every fibre of my being.  I was 20 years old and I wept the whole way to work.  I compared my entire life to my friend’s in that moment as I watched her get into her car, and in that moment, I was the ant. I felt utterly inadequate during that whole bus trip and I dished up self-bashing dialogue. I would never have allowed anyone to speak to me the way I spoke to myself that day. I was broken.

I went to the only safe place that I knew. I went to Jesus and he reminded me of a few things.  One was that I could never compare my life to anyone else’s. It was an insult to him and his plans for me.  I was created in his image, and to reject myself is to reject Him.  None of my friends had lived the that life I had.  

I was a refugee at the time and could barely speak English properly. I had lost EVERYTHING I had known, and I was poor and a foreigner.  So how could I possibly compare my life to anyone who had not walked my path??  That little dialogue was a catalyst to my healing. In that moment I decided to begin to heal.

My folks have an innate ability to celebrate people’s wins without making it about themselves or wallow in jealousy. To genuinely celebrate another person who doing much better than you are is a rare sight and an example to follow.  I decided to follow their example, and that decision has served me well for years and continues to serve me well.

The conclusion I arrived at is that you cannot want people’s high moments without wanting their low moments as well. As human beings we can easily get jealous and make the person having their high moment feel guilty for getting something we have been hoping for. I get it!  For many years I was that girl that had and did nothing. Nothing good happened too and there was that one time that my siblings got sponsorships and got to go to University.

There were times when all my friends were getting drivers licenses and buying cars, getting these amazing jobs and I was just the “receptionist”. Then came the time when my friends began buying houses and having beautiful weddings that I knew I would never have the budget for, or when they were travelling overseas, and I was getting left behind. There were times when a group of us arrived at the French Ambassy and all my friends got their visas to France except me. The list is endless!! 

I had enough to stay miserable for ever!!! However, I changed my attitude. I made a decision to ALWAYS celebrate my family and friends’ victories, no matter what was going on with me. This decision was hard initially, however one becomes good at what one practices. Now I am genuinely happy for people in my life when their big moments happen. Part of it is because I have seen their low side and I honestly wouldn’t want to walk in their shoes. 

We all have different journeys in life. Let’s move forward with people as they grow and not be left behind because of our jealousy, where genuine celebration can be seen and felt.  One of the biggest compliments that I have ever being given was from my dear friend Susan. She always says that whenever she has something to celebrate, big or small, I am the friend she will call.  It is because I will GENUINELY celebrate with her- like for real!  

I have seen Susan’s hard moments and I do not want them at all! If I do not want her lows, then I cannot desire her high moments either. They are hers, and as a friend and sister, it is a privilege to be able to be part of her high moments. I do not take that privilege for granted.

So, my encouragement to you today is this. What is yours is yours. Celebrating another human being does not take away anything from you. Rather, it makes your life richer and builds community, home and faith.  Be that friend people that your friends can call in their HIGH moments as well as in their lows.