I am convinced that in my previous life, if there is such a thing, I would have been a ballerina. There is something magical about watching a ballerina dancing effortlessly. So, when our daughter turned 3…(yep, you guessed it), the first extra mural I signed her up for was ballet!
I mean, which 3-year-old does not look cute and adorable in a tutu?? I did my research, found the right school and teacher, booked her first session with my guy. With 2nd baby on my hip, and much excitement, we went to witness the birth of a ballerina in the Zaca family!!!
There is only one problem. Our daughter did not receive the memo that she was going to be a ballerina. She hated that first lesson!!! I tried threats, bribery and all manner of illicit measures but nothing would get my strong-willed girl to change her mind. She refused to do ANYTHING. I swallowed my pride and my dreams of vicariously becoming a ballerina through my daughter and went home.
That was an important lesson for me in my parenting. We cannot and should not impose our dreams on our children. We should allow them and created space for them to be whom God created them to be and to live in their God-given purpose. When they are living in His purpose, they will find fullness of life and joy.
There began my quest to find out how to help our kids discover their purpose without my own agenda or societal pressure.
For our family, extra murals activities fall under categories- those that are necessary life skills, those that are “nice-to-do’s”, those that are important and those that are essential.
Let’s talk about the life skills activities. We consider swimming as very important in our household. In fact, we took all our babies for floating lessons so that they would be water safe. Besides the fact that the schools require it at a certain level, knowing how to swim can save your life, and the life of others.
We also wanted to remove the fear of water and to instil a respect of water at an early age. Our children often attend birthday parties and we wanted them to have the confidence to be in the pool, have fun and be safe at the same time.
The ability to play a musical instrument is another very important skill to our family because of the lessons one learns and the discipline and endurance it requires to master an instrument. We believe that these are good life skills. A musical instrument requires you to practice every single day, whether you feel like it or not. The habit of practicing creates discipline. I must admit, we have not always been consistent with the everyday practice.
Team sports is another one.
This comes more from my guy because he played first team rugby at high school and went on to play professionally for a while. He is convinced that some of the most valuables lessons he learnt about life were on the sports field.
It is important though to mention that finding out what your kids like is a matter of trial and error. There are important things like swimming, music and sports that are not negotiable for our kids. But we are not forcing them to play rugby over or karate (not exactly a team sport but you get the point) for example…they must find their own way. But sports they will do!
The other thing is that we want them to try as many different things as they can. So, in music, we are not limiting them to playing violin and violin only, we want them to try piano, and guitar etc. But playing an instrument they must and will play!
Every year, we sit and plan and discuss with them what they want to try for the year. The only choices they have are about WHAT they do, not about IF they do it. They also must stick with whatever they choose, for the year or the term where it is a seasonal activity. We also do not want to encourage them to simply start and stop things because it is a bit tough, otherwise they may learn to gravitate only to what comes naturally or easy at first, and never discover other hidden talents and things that they may enjoy.
How are you making your choices? Or are you simply leaving things to chance and child?
