The disclosure talk is terrifying, because you are about to lay all of who you are on the table by being incredibly vulnerable with no guarantees that the person will accept you just as you are. You are basically saying “here is my dirty laundry, some of it damaged me, some of it was good, some of it has left me filled with shame and I want you to choose me in spite of my past, and oh by the way some of that past still haunts me”.

I am a big believer in full disclosure, particularly when it comes to disclosing things to a future spouse. It is important to lay all your cards on the table and allow the other person to choose what they are willing to live with in the marriage, give them the power of choice, so when things get hard they know that this was their choice.

Having said that, a week into our courting, my guy and I sat down to have a talk about my past. We were both very clear about our intentions towards each other, that we were dating with the intention of marriage and we didn’t want to play games or waste each other’s time. I needed to have the full disclosure talk before the engagement ring was bought and before we started naming all the future kids that we would have.

The disclosure talk is terrifying, because you are about to lay all of who you are on the table by being incredibly vulnerable with no guarantees that the person will accept you just as you are. You are basically saying “here is my dirty laundry, some of it damaged me, some of it was good, some of it has left me filled with shame and I want you to choose me in spite of my past, and oh by the way some of that past still haunts me”.

Thankfully, we chose each other, with our emotional limps, with the promise that we will not allow our past to dictate our future. My advise is to marry someone who is willing to break generational curses with you, someone who will not just settle by saying “it is the way I grew up”, regardless of the damage that that mentality is causing.

Here are a few things that we decided on regarding our pasts.

• We will never ever use it against each other as a form of punishment,
• We will never shame each other when that past manifests itself in a form of insecurity,
• We will not use the past to manipulate each other,
• We will never hold our past against the other a person,
• We will actively seek help when that particular issue of the past is threatening our present and future,
• Forgive each other for our past,
• We will choose to accept all of each other, even the very broken parts of each other.

Are there things that you are ashamed of and that you have not shared with your spouse? Do you have secrets and entanglements that are causing instability or reaping havoc in your marriage?

In 1 Peter 5:8 the Bible tell us that we must be alert, because the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. He will use anything and everything to destroy you, your marriage and the generations to come.

Secrets destroy marriages and they have a funny way of always coming out.

Do yourself a favor and take your power back by shining light into the darkness.

On the other hand if you have been using your spouse’s past against them, STOP IT NOW!

This man that I have the privilege of calling my husband knows my deepest darkest secrets. He knows all of me and I know all of him. We have chosen each other and continue to choose each other. We continue to share and to grow together.

Choose daily to love your spouse. Some days you need to choose every hour, but choose!! Choose to love all of them and not just the comfortable parts.